Forgiveness when the victim is someone else
This forms the final context for forgiveness, which can, in some circumstances, be the most difficult of all, and it happens when the victim is someone else.
Forgiveness when the victim is someone else
This forms the final context for forgiveness, which can, in some circumstances, be the most difficult of all, and it happens when the victim is someone else.
If we truly have confidence in God to right every wrong; if we truly believe with Paul that in Christ God has already blessed us with every blessing that really count, then we may be able to put up with being sinned against fairly well. “That’s life in a fallen world,” we say to ourselves, “but our citizenship is in heaven” (Philippians 3:20).
But when the one sinned against is someone we love, then the intensity of our reaction to the sinner can really surprise us. I suspect some of this comes from our feelings of helplessness and/or guilt at not having been able to prevent it.
But at least some of our reaction comes from a good place: our deep concern for our friend’s welfare. So what can we say about forgiveness in this context?
Of course, most of what has already been said still applies, we are obliged to forgive, and also to seek reconciliation, where repentance makes that possible.
What is a little different, however, is that by being the injured third party, we have even more freedom to make use of the temporal means of justice and restoration God has blessed us with. If the sinner is a brother in Christ, we can call on him to repent with much greater intensity and freedom than his victim could.
If the sinner has broken the law, then there are now two people we can love through seeing that wrong also put right. We may even be in a position, as was Paul, to facilitate the restoration of the relationship by tangible means ourselves.
Whatever happens, however, we must never seek to take ultimate vengeance into our own hands:
Do not revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written, “it is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord (Romans 12:19).
As God has had such a profound mercy on us to raise us from death in sin to new life in Christ (Ephesians 2:1-5), so our passion for everyone, friends or enemy alike, must be for God to pour out same mercy on them as he has on us. And what rejoicing there will be in the last day when, as those who have in common the wonderful forgiveness of an intolerable burden of sin, we can join together in praising God’s grace and his son, our Lord forever.
Recap of forgiveness
While the subject of forgiveness is taught in homes, churches and probably in mosques, it is perhaps one of the most controversial and misunderstood subjects. Far too often, the human heart does not find forgiveness easy. The more we try to forgive, the more we find that the same pain returns to haunt us.
We all agree that forgiveness is a good thing, but in our hearts we often struggle and secretly feel that it is unfair, unjust and even question God’s intention to request us to forgive. To be requested to forgive seems to hurt us even further and open the past wounds and our losses.
When that happens, we feel as if forgiveness takes something from us and perhaps injures us for a second time. Nevertheless, true biblical forgiveness is for our own benefit.
We are exhorted to accept that as well as being compassionate and merciful, God is also just. Asking us to forgive is not unjust on God’s terms. It is critical that we have a right understanding of what God is asking us to do when he tells us to forgive.
Thus to understand biblical forgiveness, we must understand what it is not:
• Forgiveness is not saying it does not matter, or agreeing with sin.
• Forgiveness is not denying our feelings of anger, sadness and so on.
• Forgiveness is not forgetting, or being unable to recall it.
• Forgiveness does not mean refusing to cooperate with the country’s justice system.
• Forgiveness does not mean avoiding working things out.
What then is forgiveness?
• Forgiveness is giving undeserved gift to the offender.
• Forgiveness is laying down our right to take revenge.
• Forgiving is choosing mercy instead of judgment.
• Forgiveness is something costly, but unforgiveness costs more in the end.
How do we find grace to forgive?
Facing and owning our pain, pouring it into God’s, letting Jesus take all the responsibility.
Entrusting ourselves and the offenders into the hands of the just judge and recognizing how much we ourselves need God’s forgiveness.
In conclusion, we can say that forgiveness works to our advantage, not against us, and God is not being unreasonable or unkind by asking us to forgive. In fact, it shows how much he loves us.
I pray that we will have a forgiving and a reconciled nation.
(The author, Rev. Dr. Bernard Oliya Suwa, is the Secretary General,Committee for National Healing, Peace and Reconciliation in South Sudan).
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